This is What to Do After Your Child is Diagnosed with Autism

About this episode

In this episode, I'm speaking directly to parents who may be in a tender place right now. Maybe you just received your child's autism diagnosis last week, last month, or you're still processing something you heard months ago. I know you've been on quite a journey, months of appointments, years of wondering, and now you've finally heard it confirmed. I've sat with hundreds of families right after diagnosis, and I can tell you there's no single way to react. Some feel relief at finally having answers. Others feel grief, confusion, or fear. I want you to hear me say this: it is okay to feel all of it. There's no right way to respond.

In this episode, I walk you through what comes next, step by step, not in an overwhelming way. I explain what an autism diagnosis actually is (and what it isn't), how to build the right care team, what therapies actually help, why understanding your child's biology matters, and how to take care of yourself. Throughout our conversation, I emphasize that a diagnosis is not an ending, it's a beginning. It's finally getting the roadmap that helps us understand how your child's brain works so we can build support that truly fits who they are.

This episode is for you if you've recently received your child's autism diagnosis and are wondering what comes next, feeling overwhelmed by where to start, looking for hope and practical guidance without judgment, or simply need to hear that you're doing a good job and your love matters most.

Transcript

Click a time to play the video from that point. This transcript comes from the episode’s captions and may contain small errors.

Welcome to Magnificent Minds, where we explore the science of child development with both heart and reason, bringing clarity, compassion and scientific evidence to questions that matter deeply to families. I'm really glad you're here today. You know, I've been thinking about this episode for a while now because I know some of you listening might be in a really tender place. Maybe you just got your child's diagnosis. Maybe it happened last week or last month, or you're still processing something you heard six months or longer ago. Wherever you are in that journey. I just want you to know you're not alone.

And we're going to walk through this together. I'm guessing if you're listening today, you've been on quite a journey already. Months of appointments, maybe years of wondering. You've probably had those moments. You know, the ones I'm talking about where something just felt different about your child's development. And then other times when your pediatrician or your mom or your best friend said, oh, there's nothing to worry about, really, don't worry so much. But you couldn't shake that feeling. And now you've finally heard it confirmed your child has a diagnosis of autism. That moment, it's a big moment.

I have sat with hundreds of families right after the diagnosis, and I can tell you there's no single way that parents react. Some feel this huge wave of relief because finally, finally they have a name for what they've been wondering about and seeing for so long. And finally, there's a path forward. But there can also be other feelings like grief. Real grief. There can be confusion. Fear, anger. Sometimes you might be lying awake at night wondering what this means for your child's future. Will they have friends?

Will they go to college? Will they be happy? And also, what about your family? How do you navigate all of this? And what happens to all of those dreams that you had? Well, I'm here to tell you that you should still have them. And wherever you are right now, I want you to hear me say this. It is okay to feel all of it. Every single emotion. There's absolutely no right way to respond to a child's diagnosis. And some days you're going to wake up feeling very hopeful and strong. And other days you might cry in the car after drop off.

That is not weakness. That is being human. And that is loving your child deeply. So here's what I tell parents when we first meet. A diagnosis is not an ending. I know it can feel like one, but it's actually a beginning. Think of it like this. You've been driving around without a road map, trying to figure out why the road feels bumpy. While your child might not be responding the way that you expected, and the diagnosis while it's finally getting, that map. It’s helping us understand how your child's brain works, how they process the world.

So we can build a plan that actually fits who they are. So today we are going to talk about what comes next. Not in an overwhelming. There's 100 things to do kind of way. But step by step really manageable and doable. How do you make sense of the diagnosis? How do you build the right team? What therapies actually help? And how do you take care of yourself in the middle of all of this? That is so important. It's important for you to find hope that will energize you even when things feel so uncertain.

Hope is there. So my goal isn't to give you a perfect checklist because honestly, there isn't one. Every child is different. But what I can do is help you feel less overwhelmed, more informed, and then hopefully a little more peaceful about where to start. So let's dive in. Okay, so first things first. When you hear the word autism, it can feel big. And it might even feel scary like you've been handed a label but nobody gave you the instruction manual. So let's start by talking about what autism actually is and maybe more importantly, what it isn't.

So a diagnosis is really just a description. That's it. It is a way of naming patterns that we see in your child's development and behavior. So the diagnosis helps us understand then how your child's brain processes information, how they communicate, how they play, how they respond to noise and touch and movement. It helps us understand their brain better. But here's what it does not do. It does not define your child's potential. It does not tell us who they're going to become. It doesn't put a ceiling on what they can achieve.

What autism tells us is a lot about how your child experiences the world. And honestly, that is incredibly powerful information because once we understand that, we can meet them where they are. We can stop trying to force them into a neurotypical mold and instead help them grow in a way that honors how their brain actually works. I hear this from parents all the time. There's this mix of validation and worry. On the one hand, you feel validated. You haven't been just imagining things. You didn't cause this. There's an real explanation.

There's a biology underlying all of this. It is absolutely not because of anything you did or didn't do. It's not because you let them watch too much TV or because you went back to work. Really, none of that. But on the other hand, you might also be thinking, okay, so now what? Where do we even start? And here's where I'm going to give you some advice that might surprise you. Before you jump into researching therapies and booking appointments and making spreadsheets. And believe me, we will get to all of that. There's a role for all of that.

I want you just to pause for a second and take a breath. Because the first step is not fixing something broken. The first step really is understanding and seeing and observing and getting to a deeper, place of understanding, of who your child really is. I know that might sound different than what you imagined, and maybe it sounds too simple. But stay with me for a second, because what I'm asking you to do is to spend some quiet time noticing who your child is.

Not just what they struggle with, not just what they're not doing yet, or what they haven't developed yet, but observe who they are. Things like what makes them laugh? What are they fascinated by? Maybe they love spinning the wheels on a toy car. Maybe they can focus on building blocks for an hour straight, or they have this amazing memory for songs. I want you to think about these very personal and important aspects of your child. Your child, today, after having received a diagnosis, is still who they were before the day of the diagnosis.

They have the same beautiful smile, the same quirks, the same personality. And the only thing that's changed is that now you have more information and you have a framework that helps you to support them better. So here's a question I want you to sit with. What strengths do you already see in your child that you want to nurture through this process? Because when you anchor every decision, every therapy choice, every goal you set in your child's strengths, that's when you build a plan that helps them truly thrive, not just meet some arbitrary developmental milestones that may not be significant for them, but thrive as the unique person that they are.

All right, so once you've had that moment to breathe and reconnect with who your child is, you're probably going to start hearing about therapies. And oh my goodness, it is like alphabet soup. ABA, OT, PT, SLP, IEP. It is overwhelming. Let me break this down in a way that actually makes sense. So think of a comprehensive care plan as having three main pillars one developmental therapies, two behavioral therapies, and three medical care.

Let's talk about each one now. So first developmental therapies. These are the ones that focus on specific skills your child needs to navigate daily life. Speech language therapy. And it's important that we're calling it speech language instead of just speech because it's about overall language development and about so much more than just talking. Yes, it helps children communicate. But not every child is going to communicate with spoken words. And that's okay. Speech language therapy might involve teaching your child to use, for example, gestures, pictures, maybe a communication device, writing, typing.

So what matters is that your child has a way to share what they're thinking and feeling with others. Speech language therapy also builds those back and forth interactions. You know, the natural flow of conversation that helps your child connect with other people. Then next there is occupational therapy or OT. And this is all about how your child experiences the world through their senses and then how they engage with that world through their movement. So for example, if your child covers their ears when the blender goes on or if they don't want to wear certain clothes because of the feel or the texture, or if they seem like they're constantly moving, and have trouble sitting still.

Those are just some examples of what OT can help with. Occupational therapists work on things like fine motor skills, like holding a pencil, using utensils, and all those daily living activities like getting dressed and brushing teeth that require that type of coordinated movement. Basically, it's the kinds of things that help your child gain independence. Now, physical therapy helps with some of the bigger movements. What we call gross motor skills, including things like balance, stamina, strength, endurance. So, for example, if you've noticed that your child maybe walks on their toes, or maybe they have a little bit of trouble with their larger movements walking, navigating the environment.

Physical therapy can make movement like that feel easier and safer for them. Music therapy is an amazing type of therapy that people often don't think about. It's not as well known for autism, but it is incredibly important and has a huge impact. Music therapy is very powerful when it's used with a developmental lens. That's really important. And that means using aspects of music like rhythm, intonation, and also the emotional and social aspects of music to support brain development.

If your child is drawn to music, then music therapy could be very, very important to try, especially early on. It can help children learn to speak. It can help them improve their sensory and motor skills, and it can increase their social interactions and emotional learning. Few things are as powerful and influence the brain as much as music. of course, there are other types of therapies that sort of fall into this developmental, category or bucket. They go by lots of different names.

But what they have in common is that they're working on and targeting some aspect of, of of of one of these six domains. These six major domains of brain development, which are sensory development, motor development, cognitive development, speech language development, social development and emotional development. So the the more comfortable and familiar you get with these terms and thinking about understanding these domains of brain development, the more you'll be able to support your child and make better decisions about therapies.

So hopefully with this developmental lens and some of this background in mind, it won't feel like such a mystery to you. And your choice about whether to pursue a particular therapy for your child should be based on your level of confidence and trust in that particular professional. Now let's talk about behavioral therapies. And I know this is where things can get actually even a little controversial. So you may have heard of some of these controversies. Well, the most well known approach to behavior therapy and really what's people considered to be synonymous with the term behavior or behavioral therapy is ABA, which stands for applied behavior analysis.

It is an approach to autism therapy that has a lot of research behind it. It's been around for many decades and it can be incredibly effective. And for that reason, it's, it's one of really the most commonly recommended. Therapies by doctors, by psychologists for autism. So there's very good reason for that. But here's the thing that's so important for you to know, which is that not all ABA is created equal. So how do you make sure that your child gets the best type of ABA?

Well, at Cortica, we practice what we call neurological ABA. So it is based on the principles of ABA, but we have evolved it beyond just looking at service behavior. We ask instead and we take everything we know about the brain. We ask what is the underlying neurology behind the behavior that we're seeing. So we are drawing on brain science, neuroscience not just behavioral science. And that is so powerful it lets us do, so much more.

When ABA is done with both neuroscience and behavioral science combined, what it looks like in practice is that it really is not about making children compliant. There's really no role for that concept of compliance. So things like forcing certain social behaviors, like making eye contact or in any way training a child to act in neurotypical ways. Once you understand brain science and behavioral science and bring them together, you know that that is not ever the right thing to do.

That should not be the goal. You can have profound negative effects on brain development, like causing depression and anxiety. It can actually even have effects like trauma. So very, very similar to the stressful and long lasting effects that traumatic events have. And we must avoid that for children at all costs. So the way to think about ABA and effective ABA is not about compliance, but about connection. It's about helping a child communicate in ways that suit them and suit the way that their brain is built and the way their brain is wired.

It is about building skills that allow children to participate more fully in all aspects of life, in the way that their brain is designed to, and in a way that feels good to that. So that means in practice, it looks like therapy that is gentle, that is playful, that balances when the child gets to lead and when the adult gets to lead. And it should always be centered on the things that matter to your child, what motivates them, what's important to them, and what energizes and inspires and gets them excited.

So if your child is young, especially age five or under, you are really in this unique and incredible window of brain plasticity. Now brain plasticity never goes away, but it it is enhanced and it is, happening in a more flexible and, more, powerful way in those first years of life. So under the age of six, a child's brain is forming millions of new connections every day. These are called, synapses, the connections between neurons.

And it's during that period of tremendous, neuroplasticity that early, intensive and naturalistic ABA intervention can have its biggest impact. At Cortica, we have a program called Jumpstart that brings together ABA speech, occupational therapy and the principles of music therapy all into one program coordinated by a physician, a medical provider who understands your child's biology. So this approach to early intervention is very unique.

It is transdisciplinary, meaning that it brings together multiple different disciplines and truly integrates them to to really bring together the best of what each discipline has to offer. And, this kind of approach, which we call a whole child or whole person approach, supports every aspect of growth, communication, movement, play, emotion development, and also physical health. So the biology, the physical health of the the body and the brain.

Parents often ask me, you know, how do I think about a therapeutic program like Jumpstart versus daycare versus a preschool program, whether that's in a private setting or public setting? Parents are wondering, should it be a clinic center based program like Jumpstart with medical developmental behavioral specialists? Or should they take something that's offered through the school system? And the truth is, there is not a universal correct answer for every family and every child. But what I will say is that in those early years intervention with a medical clinical therapeutic team that is truly coordinated, where everyone is talking to each other and working towards the same goals.

That is really the way to maximize a child's progress. It offers the most transformative results. And that brings me to the third pillar, which is medical care. Autism specific medical care is the piece that most often gets overlooked, but it is so important. Even children I meet who have gotten some type of autism specific medical care almost always do not get enough. It doesn't just stop at genetic testing. It doesn't just stop at treating constipation. Medical support for autism goes on and on because a child's biology is continually evolving.

So for many, it goes not only through childhood but also into adulthood. Because and this is the good news. Research has advanced in a way so that we now have so much that we can do to improve biology, physiology, physical health and well-being. For all individuals with autism. We know now from research that often brings with it medical issues that affect how children sleep, how they pay attention, their mood, and their ability to learn. So their ability to participate in any type of therapy.

So there are things like nutrient deficiencies, gut problems, metabolic differences, immune system issues, things that make it harder for the brain to function at its best. At Cortica, our physicians and nurse practitioners specialize in autism specific medical care. So we identify and treat all of these different medical factors. For example, some children have differences in how their body uses, different nutrients like vitamin B12 or folate. And they benefit from supplementation, whether that's with methyl B12 acid or other types of vitamins and supplements.

A child might benefit from something called splenic acid, which you may have heard a lot about recently. Also known as locavore in some children respond to different types of vitamin B12, which supports energy production and neurotransmitter function. So there are a lot of different ways that we can not just, treat particular, medical conditions. We can also optimize health and physical function. One of the areas that we look very closely at is nutrition and digestive health. You would be amazed by how much digestion, sleep, and mood are all connected.

When the body feels better, the brain can learn better. It's that simple. So here's the bottom line for you. The best care plan for autism is multifaceted and individualized. So there is no cookie cutter approach. Every child's brain and body is unique, and the most effective programs are the ones that honor that uniqueness and bring together all of these different components in one single, cohesive, integrated, transdisciplinary. Or what I like to call whole child team. Let me say a little bit more about the medical side of things, because I know it can feel very clinical.

And I think for some families, especially early on, it can feel intimidating. But after your child's autism diagnosis, your doctor might recommend some testing. That's really important. These particular tests help us understand what's going on beneath the surface factors that might be affecting your child's learning, development and behavior. So common starting points include nutritional and metabolic labs. So we're checking things like iron levels maybe red blood cells things like vitamin D, vitamin B12, maybe thyroid function.

A lot of children with autism are selective or picky in what they'll eat, and that has to do with sensitivity to different tastes and textures. So that means they might be more likely to be low in certain key nutrients. And optimizing those levels can make a real difference in things like attention and energy level. And ultimately, brain, development and brain function. Genetic testing is also really important. Every child diagnosed with autism should have at least a chromosomal microarray test, a fragile X test.

And, now the value of getting even additional genetic testing like whole exome sequencing, is really now better understood. And this is an important test that looks at thousands of genes involved in brain development and can give us so much information about any particular child and the things that could help them. Genetic testing can sometimes tell us why. It can give us a lot of information about really why autism, came about. It can also guide treatment. It can connect some families with research studies and the newest, most innovative therapies.

It can also connect you to certain advocacy and support networks. So it can be a wonderful source of information. There can also be more specialized testing that might be important to do early on, like tests for mitochondrial function, tests for something like folate receptor antibodies. These are not for everyone, but for the children who have a particular kind of developmental profile and medical history test like these can truly be life changing. They can point to therapies, treatments that can be extremely, impactful.

Now, just a little bit more about supplements because I'm often asked about these. Some have very good research showing that they support brain health and development and behavior. And these would include things like, omega three fatty acids, probiotics, B vitamins, and sometimes even, prescription medications will play a role. Maybe these are for sleep, for reducing anxiety, for supporting focus and attention. There are very safe and effective medications for all of these.

And when used thoughtfully, medication therapies can be one very, very important part of an overall holistic whole child program. The key really is to integrate all of it and not just to reflexively choose medications, but to consider all the different therapies that are available, how everything might work together, and to know that, medications, supplements, some of these biological approaches, even, things like device therapies, which are becoming more and more available and more common as, as our, health care options are becoming more innovative.

The key is to know that some of these biological supports have a really important role in helping a child get more out of development, behavioral therapies. And again, that's why it's so important to be considering all options and to have a team that has expertise in all of it. All of these different types of therapies, even though they're very different in nature. When you're thinking about a medication versus a dietary change versus, a behavioral therapy. They seem very different. But really, all of them are helping the brain and body to be ready to learn and ready to connect and to get the most out of, learning experiences.

Okay. Now I want to talk about something that a lot of parents forget to put on the list. Taking care of yourself. I know you might be thinking, well, I barely have time to shower, and you want me to add more self-care to the to my to do list? But listen to me for a second. When a child is diagnosed with autism, the entire family begins this journey of growth and adaptation. And parents, you especially often feel like you're constantly and on. So you're constantly sort of in this mode of, of hypervigilance and researching and and thinking and doing.

And you're probably juggling things like therapy appointments like insurance, like schools. You might be in a position of explaining, things about your child's development and behavior to family members who may or may not understand. And you are at the center of all of it, trying to hold everything together. Now, over time, that will lead to burnout. It can lead to resentment. It can lead to, things like isolation. It can have really lasting, harmful effects on your own physical and mental health.

I see that all the time. So here's what I need you to understand. Your well-being matters just as much as your child's therapies. Actually, let me say that even another way. Your well-being is part of your child's overall therapy plan. Because your nervous system is your child's anchor. When you are calm and regulated. Your child's brain feels safe. They feel safe enough to learn to try new things, to take on challenges, to connect.

But when you are running on empty, when you are stressed and overwhelmed and barely holding it together, your child feels that too. So taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is necessary. Maybe that means scheduling counseling sessions for yourself. Maybe it is joining a parent support group. Maybe it is just carving out ten minutes a day, literally ten minutes, for something that restores you. A walk around the block, a cup of coffee in silence, some deep breaths before you start the morning routine, a phone call with a friend who really listens.

Any of these can be part of your daily routine. At Cortica, we include parent support as an essential part of care because when parents feel supported and seen and steady, their children thrive. We see that again and again. Your child does not need to be on some particular path. Certainly not a neurotypical developmental path, but what they need is for you to be present. They need you to keep showing up, even on the hard days, with love and patience and curiosity about who they're becoming.

All right. Let's turn now to talk a little bit about schools and IEPs. IEPs are individualized education plans. And here's a pro tip. Any time you're making a request of, that relate to your child's schooling, where you're interacting with the school system, make your requests in writing, you can email it. Maybe keep a copy. Attach your child's diagnostic report. Having sort of that paper trail is really helpful. So an IEP or Individualized Education plan is basically a document.

And it's a document that outlines the goals and services your child will receive at school. So that might include things like speech language therapy occupational therapy. It might include something like a 1 to 1 aide or maybe accommodations like extra time on tests or sensory breaks. So there's a lot of different information that might go into an IEP. If your child doesn't qualify for an IEP, they might still be eligible for something called a 504 plan, which ensures accommodations, without, particular specialized instruction. But it can still be quite helpful.

So things like, preferential seating, visual schedules or breaks to move around. So it's important to, to be familiar with the different options available to you. Now part of having IEP is, regular meetings and these kinds of IEP meetings can be overwhelming at first. I've had a lot of parents tell me that, they're going into a room with teachers, therapists, administrators. And it can feel overwhelming. There's a lot of new terminology to learn. Lots of new acronyms. And you're supposed to, make decisions about your child's education.

It can feel like a lot of pressure. But here's what I want you to remember. You are the expert on your child. Not the school psychologist, not the special education teacher. You. You know your child's mind, your child's heart. You know their potential. You know what makes them excited and energized, and so your insights are essential. You are the most important person in the room. And you don't have to know every special education law or every technical term. You just need to be your child's steady, loving advocate in that room.

And if you ever feel lost or overwhelmed, there are people who can help. Educational advocates, special education attorneys, consultants, members of your medical care team. Your doctor, your child's ABA supervisor. All of these are individuals who can provide guidance, help you along the process and make sure that your child gets what they need to succeed. Let me talk about one more thing that's so important. And that's community. So when you first enter the world of autism, it can feel incredibly lonely.

Like nobody really understands what you're going through. Maybe your friends who don't have special needs children they might not quite get why you can't meet as often and spontaneously as you used to. Maybe your family members still do not believe the diagnosis that your child has. Maybe they're offering advice that just isn't helpful. So you might feel like you're navigating all of this alone and unsure. But I promise you, there is a community waiting for you and connecting with other parents who are walking a similar path.

Well, it really can be life changing. You will find people who understand. You know why you're celebrating small wins. Things that your child has said or done for the first time. You'll find people who get, you know, why you have to leave an event or a party or something early. You will find in this amazing community. Wisdom, friendship, humor, hope, and so many wonderful things. So, for you, it can look a lot of different ways.

It might look like joining a local, autism society chapter or a parent group. Like the parent groups through Cortica. Or an online community that aligns with your values. And again, it's important to be selective because maybe not all of these will be a good fit for you. But I encourage you to keep looking. Some parents find their people through, autism affirming organizations. Others connect through local meetups or churches. Or their child's school. The details around all this don't matter as much as the connection itself, because the, antidote to overwhelm is community.

When we share our stories, our experiences, when we realize we're not alone. Everything feels a little more manageable and, and a little more peaceful. So as we come to the end of today's episode, I want to leave you with this after your child's autism diagnosis. Your job is not to change who they are. It's not to fix a problem. Here job is to build the support around your child that will help them thrive. So that means your next steps are. First, pause. Take a breath. Reconnect with those amazing strengths your child has.

And then start to think about a circle of care therapies that fit your child. Medical guidance that really looks beneath the surface. Care that does not just think about behaviors but understands the importance of the biology. And you don't have to do it all today. You really don't. Just choose one small step. Maybe you'll take the step of scheduling a consultation with a care team like ours at Cortica. Maybe it's joining a parent support group. Or maybe it's something even simpler. Maybe tonight you just sit quietly next to your child and notice something wonderful about them.

Remember, your child's diagnosis doesn't define their future. It simply defines what kind of support will best help them to thrive. And you, your love, your advocacy, your courage, your willingness to show up every single day. That's the most powerful part of that support. And coming back to this podcast to learn more, and to grow your own ability to support your child. Thank you for being here today. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for believing in what's possible for your child. My hope is that these conversations help you feel more informed, less overwhelmed, and more connected to the science, to your child, and to a community that's learning and growing together.

If you found today's discussion helpful, please share it with another parent or professional who might benefit. And as always, I appreciate you being part of this journey toward understanding and supporting every child. Unique path to thriving. Until next time, take good care of yourself and your family and keep believing in what's possible.